In November, Dutch alternative metal outfit DEAR MOTHER had the honor of opening up for STAM1NA in Finland. Now, they’re gearing up to release their highly anticipated new EP, “Necessary Darkness,” set to drop on April 17th, 2024. Following the release, the band will kick off a tour in the Netherlands, starting from April 17th until the 21st. We had the opportunity to catch up with guitarist Merel Bechtold just before their electrifying show in Finland. Dive into the full interview here…
Hi Merel! Thank you so much for the time to do this interview. You just warmed up the audience in Helsinki before STAM1NA’s show at Helsingin Jäähalli. How was your first show in Finland?
Merel: Fantastic, it was really… I had a conversation today with our booking agent about playing here, in Finland, and then I got emotional because it’s not everywhere that everything is so well organized and that even as a support band, as an opener, you’re allowed to do certain things. And you also notice that what we’re used to is very different. It always becomes very intense, because it’s very competitive, but that’s totally not the case here. I don’t know if that’s necessarily a Finnish thing or if it’s this scene, it could be that too. Of course, we originally come from a different scene, so I don’t know if I can generalize it, but in any case, here it is real.
Is it harder for an independent band in the Netherlands in that sense?
No, not as an independent band, but as a support band in general, it’s also a very big stage here but yet nothing is too much trouble for the crew to arrange things for you. That’s just amazing. That’s really cool.
Your vocalist, David, couldn’t be here, how did you come up with Daniël de Jongh to replace him?
Well, I think the first point was, who else can do it? Who can do what David can? Because what David can do is quite impossible and I can’t really think of anyone else unless you’d maybe ask two singers or something like that, but I once auditioned for Daniel‘s band TEXTURES – they’ve also just started again by the way, it was announced yesterday that they’re going to play again. He is someone who can scream and he can sing very well, yeah, and I didn’t know who else to think of, so he was the only option for me, so I was really relieved when he said he would help us. I also think he really did it from the goodness of his heart.
Would you have canceled the show otherwise?
No. Then we would have come up with another solution, no, we always try to solve problems anyway.
You’re also working on new music, you released a new single, how’s that going?
We have quite a bit of music ready, the only problem is that we have is a bit of a production thing where you’re not completely happy with the mix and how it sounds. You obviously have a certain idea of how something should be done and sound and someone else as a total outsider works on that. And you actually hope that it might be different, but maybe in a really cool way, and I just have the feeling that we’re always not finding the right person for that.
Is that also a bit about letting go maybe?
No, I can let go quite well. It’s actually a strange idea… it’s as if someone else finishes your painting. Because that’s what you have to do, you have a very good idea of how a painting should look and you’ve already done a lot of work and someone just has to put it all together well, like making a mix, and just balance everything. We just got stuck there, it’s all about finding the right person, and that’s just difficult.
Does that also make you insecure?
Yes, definitely.
What I noticed is that you were quite nervous during the show, how do you normally deal with that?
I think the nervousness mainly comes from me today because I also express it as a feeling. I think anyway that everyone in the band also has that a little bit, that you dare to say how you feel… you just want to do well. It’s a fleeting moment in time. It’s still just waiting to see how everything goes and how you, today we had a very smooth setup, we started on time, everyone helped, everything sounded good, we were well on time, and we could still do a good soundcheck, so then you really have a moment where you know that everything is there, everything works, we could still check everything well, then you go into a show very differently than like okay we know everything works, and that’s sometimes just quite tricky that there are still things wrong. Our previous show was really chaotic. You just want to do well, but you also want to have fun and that balance is important, we obviously also have a different singer [for this show] and we only had one rehearsal, so that’s also different.
Earlier you said that you express your feelings, I feel like you have learned a lot in the past from your experiences with previous bands. Is expressing your emotions an important thing in a band?
Yes, that shapes you as a person, especially, you learn a lot from it, especially things that were done very well, but also things that were not done well. I especially want to prevent the latter. I find that really important and that has had a huge impact.
Is it also important that you get along very well with each other because of that?
Very much. I’m very good at sensing people, I can very well feel whether someone is genuine or not and I’m very careful with that, but if I notice that someone is sincere, then I’m also very open and sensitive, and I think that’s also important because you do it together and that makes a band so cool. If you don’t have that feeling, what are you doing it for? You’re a team, but also the crew, that’s what makes it so special, it’s also important that you get along with each other, and that you want to spend a lot of time together and go on adventures together and can handle it, that’s also a thing. Yeah, it took a while to find the group, but we really have it now.
Do you also do things outside of the shows?
We see each other too little, 100%.
So you would like to do more of that?
We do some, for example, last time we played at Metal Days and we all decided to add another 3 days to just chill.
You also said that you’re very good at reading people. Is that a talent you need in the music industry?
I think in life in general, I think many people don’t have that and they end up in very toxic relationships.
There are also a lot of fans from all over the world who have come to see you. How does that feel?
I have no words for it, it’s very special. It’s so incredibly nice. How it started for me was, of course, going to concerts once, before I had a band and then you meet people at concerts in certain places and it’s always really fun to see each other, but this goes a step further. They come from different countries, book the same hotel, and go out to eat together, so it’s an even more intense relationship. That makes it really special, it’s also the music… it’s more than that.
I don’t think there are many bands that have such a tight-knit fanbase actually. How do you explain that DEAR MOTHER can offer such a platform for fans?
I think we’re all very genuine and just don’t necessarily pretend to be different from who we are. I think people just see that and I think we all have an element where people connect not only over interests but just in life lessons or situations and that you look for that in each other, a kind of warmth or something.
How did you experience the show itself? Were you able to look around or are you in your own bubble when you play?
No, both. There are moments when I’m just playing with the band and there are moments when I really look for people too, it depends on how difficult the part is too, but I really try to fully experience the show, sometimes it can go so fast, even when there are technical issues, that you’re in a completely different mindset, and because everything was so well prepared by the crew here, you can also go into a show very relaxed and then you can enjoy it much more. I noticed that today was really successful, a show can really be over so quickly, but today I had the feeling that I really experienced every song, you know, and that’s actually the nicest, then the show lasts longer, and that’s actually when you’re more present for that moment.
Was there a moment that stood out?
No, I don’t think so really specifically, I think just the whole show was fun, it was just quite balanced or something.
How do you prepare for shows like this? This is a one-off show, is that different?
At least one rehearsal… This is only show 11, we don’t have any routine yet, so I’ve put everything together myself, like just flying here, so that means that the screwdriver has to go in the luggage and everything has to be weighed. I’m quite a ball of stress internally, I just feel a lot of responsibility and I want everything to be well organized, so then I’m quite busy in my head with preparations.
Are you busy with pre-production months in advance?
Yes, and it becomes more intense of course the closer to the show, then it’s a whole day of packing and getting things from everywhere and yeah, then you’re busy with it.
Do you have anything planned else planned?
As you know, we try to plan shows in the Netherlands, the problem is that everything is fully booked, we want to do something specific, and that just makes it a bit more difficult, but we’ll do everything to make it happen. We have a really cool metal festival offered, something in Germany, that starts with a W. [DEAR MOTHER recently announced a headlining tour in the Netherlands and announced festival appearances at Wacken Open Air and Summer Breeze]
You haven’t been around for very long, but you still get those offers.
What the fuck. Sometimes you don’t realize it fully because you’re constantly just going and sometimes you almost forget to stop and appreciate the moment and what’s happening, I can be quite critical of myself and work hard, even harder, and this is who I am and I can totally get lost in it. Sometimes I feel like it can’t go fast enough, but that’s something I try to maybe appreciate more, we also say every time, this is show 6 and we’re going to 70000 Tons of Metal, how? If we’re going to play at Wacken, maybe it’s show 20, I don’t know. No idea? Not even yet, maybe it’s show 13? Who knows? That’s bizarre. It’s really not normal.
I guess that means that you’re doing something right! Your debut came out during the pandemic. Is it difficult for you to promote that album?
Yes, I once made a joke that we’ll tour with album 3. So yeah, that makes it difficult of course, you’re the last in line when you’re brand new, which is logical in itself, but you really want to and you’re actually eager to go on tour because that’s the most fun thing there is, that’s just the challenge.
How do you look back on the past year?
Very tough, 2023 was maybe one of the hardest years ever, also as a band.
How do you look towards next year?
Optimistic.
Is the plan to release an album?
We’re planning to release an EP, but our intention isn’t necessarily to categorize it strictly as an EP or an album. Instead, we aim to release music on a single-by-single basis. This approach allows us, as a band, to consistently put out new music, and as listeners, you won’t have to wait long for fresh releases. With an album, some songs may have been written a while ago, and as musicians, we evolve during the creative process. You might feel that certain songs could be improved by the time the album is released. It’s not to say that you’re not happy with the album, but you recognize that you’ve progressed further. It’s both a positive aspect and, at times, a bit frustrating because you realize you could have done better or that the music no longer reflects your current emotions.
Do you think it’s a better system that the music industry is moving towards single releases?
I’m not sure about that specifically; I think it’s always evolving. As listeners, we’re experiencing so many changes. There’s an overabundance of music, and there are so many releases that it’s challenging to keep up. It’s logical that things are moving faster because music consumption is much more fleeting now. If you compare it to hits from the ’80s or ’70s, which often were 6 or 8 minutes long, that’s not the case anymore. Nowadays, songs are around 3 minutes, and attention spans have decreased. It’s a further development, let’s put it that way.
Alright! I think that’s it for my questions. Do you have any last thoughts you want to share with your fans?
Yeah, it’s just awesome. It makes it special for us and also offers us the opportunity to grow, so we’re very grateful for that. We really love Finland, and we’d love to come back.
Catch DEAR MOTHER on tour:
17/04 Patronaat, Haarlem (NL) | Sold Out
18/04 Oefenbunker, Landgraaf (NL) | Tickets
19/04 Luxor Live, Arnhem (NL) | Sold Out
21/04 Willem Twee, Den Bosch (NL) | Tickets
02/08 Wacken Open Air, Wacken (DE) | Sold out
16/08 Summer Breeze Open Air, Dinkelsbühl (DE) | Tickets
Interview by Laureline Tilkin
