Mon. Mar 8th, 2021

Genre Games: What heavy metal genre is your booze?

January is a slow time of year for live shows. Without any gigs for us to think on, the mind tends to drift elsewhere. Most recently I was sitting in my house, casually sipping an alcoholic beverage and listening to music, when I began to find parallels between those two very things. There is a lot of nuance to difference genres of music/metal, much in the same way as there are a lot of nuances in different alcoholic beverages. So, I decided to match up some different boozes with metal genres.

Disclaimer: only examples of good or decent stuff here – I’ve left the crap bands and drinks up to your imagination.

Beer – Death Metal

It’s not for everyone, and even if you do like it, it might’ve taken you a while to build up a taste for it, but once you develop that taste, there’s no turning back. It’ll be an easy go-to genre for you to return to any time you want to drink or listen to something. Some of it’s as basic and watered down as it comes, but there’s always something new to try.

Examples: CHILDREN OF BODOM; Karhu

Coolers & Long Drinks – Pop Metal

In the same way coolers introduce people to alcohol, pop metal helps pave the way toward metal in general, if you’re transitioning from listening to pop, rock, or other genres. They rarely offers anything revolutionary, and is often not even considered all that technically good. Hell, it’s way to sweet for most people to really enjoy. But it serves a purpose and opens doors.

Examples: HIM; Smirnoff Ice

Wine – Progressive Metal

The most complex bouquet of styles and flavors come together to make something incredible, but if you are lazy, sloppy, or cheap, made for the masses and without any true passion, you’re just a disgusting mess.

Examples: HAKEN; Jacob’s Creek

Tequila – Power Metal

Best consumed in great quantities in your youth, you may not notice the nuances of the really good stuff until you’re older and take the time to take it in slower and experience all it has to offer. It’s also one of the most likely to mess you up really bad, either drinking or headbanging.

Examples: EVERFROST; 1800

Whisky – Black/Extreme Metal

To many, it’s just horrible shrieking/burning, but those who develop the taste and appreciation for it have a deeper understanding of the subtleties of what they’re experiencing.

Examples: Emperor; Highland Park

Rum – Viking/Pagan/Folk Metal

It’s been around a long time and there’s a lot of great variety within the genre, and while there are always newcomers and those who push the limits and try new things, it’s not always a great success, and as a whole, few have done anything truly earthshattering with the genre since its inception. Still, it’s always warm and welcoming when you go back to old favorites.

Examples: WHISPERED; The Kraken

Vodka – Rock

A classic, easy to get into, and something pretty much everyone can enjoy at some point or another, even if it’s not your favorite. It’s also really easy to mix with other things.

Examples: Alice Cooper; Russian Standard (pop-rock, rock-metal; vodka/juice, vodka/soda)

Gin – Symphonic Metal

When it’s good, it’s incredible. It’s always evolving and new things are coming out every few years that are surprisingly fresh, they are daring to push the limits and add new elements, the classics are still fantastic, but when you’re shit, you’re just fucking awful.

Examples: KOBRA AND THE LOTUS; Hendricks

Cocktails – Blended Genres (esim: extreme melodic alternative Viking pop metal)

When made by the masters, you make sweet, delicious magic, but when done wrong or overdone, it’s just a heinous mess that’s too sweet, too strong, or just plan boring.

Examples: EMBER FALLS; Long Island Iced Tea

So, what do you think? Are there any terrible mismatches? Do you have any more pairings I’ve missed out on? If so, leave a comment! Otherwise, we hope you’re enjoying the start of 2018!

Written by Bear Wiseman
Musicalypse, 2017
OV: 2529

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